Mauna Loa Bar Hawaiano

Everything about this place is wonderfully tiki. Except the drinks.

Located off a modest plaza in central Madrid, Mauna Loa feels like a tiki time capsule; you can imagine astronauts’ wives gathering there to watch the latest Apollo launch. Hawaiiana and vaguely Asiana decor dominates, with nice tropical touches of birdcages (with live birds) and aquariums. If you descend below the street-level bar, you’ll find yourself in a multi-level grotto, with seating spread across multiple nooks and crannies. It feels authentic—as in un-tinkered with for decades—and also romantic. When I visited, the grotto tables were quickly filling up with couples eager to share Scorpion Bowl-style drinks. I was happy to take up a solo perch at the bar, next to the bird perch.

The staff seemed put out by a single customer, but eventually I was served. I ordered a Planter’s Punch, thinking that a simple recipe would be hard to screw up, and would let their ingredients shine.

Gack.

I regret to report this, but it was the single worst drink I have ever been served in ANY bar, period. I’ve knocked back cheap arrack in Indonesia, and scorpion “whiskey” in Nepal, so that’s saying something.

As far as I could tell, they left out the Angostura Bitters and added iodine instead. I did my best to choke it down, but gave up after the fifth sip. Typically, I’d order a second drink just to triangulate an informed opinion, but this was a lost cause. I showed myself out.

Would I go there again? Surprisingly, yes. The decor was great, and the atmosphere spot-on for a well-aged specimen of classic tiki. I would, however:

a.) Go with a friend or two. They’re all about the giant straws and common concoction there, and seemed confused by solo me.

b.) I’d order straight rum, or perhaps even just a beer. Steer clear of expectations that the drink names reflect the actual cocktails (or, for that matter, cocktails at all), and you may well have a good time.

The place is classic spanish crappy tiki-thematic bar.

It has good tiki decor as all those similar places in Spain.

Drinks are not tiki, same liquid crap in same porcelan spanish mugs as other similar places in Spain. Olives and nuts and chocolates were served together with drinks.

Disrespectfully they are using some of the names of classic tiki cocktails for their worthless liquids.

Staff is fairly friendly and English is spoken.

It's the almost only spanish tikibar where I could hear hawaiian music, modern style of it, but still hawaiian, even though every second (or so) song was far from tiki and the time I happened to leave they played Spice Girls!

Aquariums with water and fish and turtles in it.

Not much worth to visit, but if you do, order Cocoloa, coconut drink which is popular for locals.

Mauna Loa may not be the perfect Polynesian themed place, but I love it. It's over 40 years old, huge, has birds flying around, nice fountains, and aquariums, music is good. Drinks are so so, but it's fun and tacky and has history and you SHOULD GO!